Who Am I?

Well you have to start somewhere, and this is where it starts.  I have all kinds of ideas for this blog, among which is to post here some writings from the past, writings that had nowhere to go before. 

I plan on sharing here things I can't really share anywhere else.  I can't even speak to my therapist because I have been trained to just shut up.

I don't expect to have many readers, I am not even going to invite people (I think).  Maybe I will leave a note in my will about this blog, for after I am gone.  Once I am dead, I will not care all that much if people don't like the things I wrote.  They can't come bitch at me about my pain if I am dead now can they???

You know, a lot of this blog may sound like a whine.  It might actually be a collection of whines.  I hope I will be able to share some positive things as well, maybe a top 5, 10 or 25 of my favorite things.  We'll see.

So how about I say a few things about myself?  I know there is a little "About me" on the side, but that barely scratches the surface.  I'll give a really good look at who I am.

So first, I am Canadian, second I am a francophone.  You guessed right, I am not from Quebec...  I was born and raised in Ontario.  OK OK  I did live in "la belle province" a few years here and there, but in no way do I associate with those people.  I may be a whine ass, but I am a totally different kind of whine ass.  That province has screwed me over personally and as a Canadian so many times over... OK enough about that... maybe save the rest for another post.

I am female and Caucasian.  I am bisexual with a 95% leaning towards straight.  My view is that every one is on the spectrum of bisexuality, it's all a matter on where on the spectrum they are.  Most feel uncomfortable with this way of seeing things, but to me it makes a lot more sense, it removes all those barriers to acceptance.  Again a subject for another post.  Looks like I will have to come back to this post to view and these subjects I am willing to talk about.

Hum next... I am a single mom.  Now this I can go on a rant about.  Not all single moms can be put on the same level.  I know that single moms want to be part of a club with "extra challenges" but there are different kinds of single moms.  I do not have a second parent to share any of the responsibilities.  We are talking about no financial help from a father of any kind.  I also don't get those "breaks" that many if not most single moms get.  You know daddy comes and picks up the kids on average once every two weekends?  Yeah I don't have even that luxury.  My parents are out of town, well my dad moved in town recently but he is not part of my life, my mom tried to help me out but she needs to survive and she lives 5 hours away.  My brothers do live close by but are just not plain interested.  Actually one of them no longer talks to me at all.  He doesn't even want to hear my name.  The thought of me and whatever problems I may have are too distressing for him.  So I am a single mom alone, very very alone.  I am sure you will read about this in another post at some point, I get pretty wrapped up about it. 

I have two kids.  A daughter, now 18 (almost 19!).  She is pretty and gifted, artistic in so many ways, she is dramatic and not in a hurry to grow up, struggling with her life and university and trying to make sense of it all. She was described as a tall blond Asian born in a Caucasian family from the wrong country.  I also have a son, now 13.  Now my son, he is a little different.  They used to say he was ADHD, with a good does of ODD. They just figured out he was PDD-NOS with a small dose of conduct disorder.  He can also be loving and affectionate. He loves to touch, he needs to take things apart, he is gifted yet has a learning disability, he has been bullied to the extent that he learned that bullies always get their way, so now he is part of the problem.  He's got the most beautiful blue eyes, perfect features, but needs extensive braces. 

What are all those letters?



ADHD: Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or AD/HD or ADD) is a developmental disorder.[1] It is primarily characterized by "the co-existence of attentional problems and hyperactivity, with each behavior occurring infrequently alone" and symptoms starting before seven years of age.[2]  Source Wikipedia.  ADHD is a problem with inattentiveness, over-activity, impulsivity, or a combination. For these problems to be diagnosed as ADHD, they must be out of the normal range for a child's age and development.

ODD: Oppositional defiant disorder is a pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures.

PDD-NOS: Pervasive Developmental Disorder—Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) is a pervasive developmental disorder (PDD)/autism spectrum disorder (ASD). PDD-NOS is one of five forms of Autism Spectrum Disorders. PDD-NOS is often referred to as atypical autism.[1]

Because PDD-NOS is a spectrum disorder, not every child shows the same signs. The two main characteristics of the disorder are difficulties with social interaction skills and communication.[8] Signs are often visible in babies but a diagnosis is usually not made until around age 4.[9] Even though PDD-NOS is considered milder than typical autism, this is not always true. While some characteristics may be milder, others may be more severe.[9]

Source Wikipedia.

Then I am a person with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS).  When I first heard of CFS, I thought that my doctor was just trying to tell me I was tired and to get a good night's sleep.  The first doctor to give me the CFS diagnosis was Dr. Parson in 1998.  But I didn't understand and I didn't ask.  I was almost insulted to be told that's what I had, because I did not know.  In 2005, the same doctor brought it back up, I still did not understand, and thought he did not understand me.  In 2008, another doctor, diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia.  By this time I had the Internet and started looking it up.  I started understanding what my exhaustion and pain was about.  I started seeing the decline in the last few years, it all started to make sense.  I did ask the second doctor, which one I had Fibromyalgia or CFS, she told me both.  Mind you she was not the best doctor at treating either of these conditions.  Hummmm got the subject of yet another post....  I have to move on or else this post will wind up being a book!


 

Trix 



Precious



I foster cats.  We have four of our own, Fabian, Gabe, Trix and Precious.  We got Trix a long time ago, he has been with us through thick and thin.  He came close to dying once, but as a member of our family we took care and of and made him fight, so we got to keep him. Later we got Precious.  She came as a replacement of another cat we had.  We lost Darling early, Once day she was healthy. the next she died in my daughter's arms.  We we decided to adopt Precious we had a specific list of requirements.  We wanted her to be a rescue, to have personality. to be tricolour and long haired.  When we met Precious, we just knew she was the one...



Gabe





Fabian



Gabe and Fabian came to us as fosters which we decided to adopt.  The were a set and they fit well with our family.  Gabriel came to us with his mom and Fabian was rescued from his feral mother and domesticated. Fabian is still just a tad feral, he is very nervous around people.  He likes his mommy and he stands the rest of us.



We have fostered for the Cat Rescue Network and for Hungry and Homeless.  We have seen many cat come and go.  We have also babysat long term some cats.  Another post will be to cover all our fosters at some later point.  We have at any time, a minimum of 4 cats to the maximum of 12.  Let me tell you when you have 12 cats in a house and get a flea infestation, it can become quite the sport.

A last thing that explains me is that I have suffered from depression since I was about 9.  I have wanted to die for such a very long time, I can't remember when it all started.  After my son was born, I was diagnosed with Bipolar, but it turns out it was a chemical sensitivity to antidepressants.  I am just depressed, no manias unless they drug me.  MY depression has made it typically difficult to create close relationships.  I am not medicated and have yet to have any positive outcome from therapy.

 

Thanks for reading!

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