Hello Everyone!
We are almost at the end of August and this means it's the end of a few things.
For one thing, the way the weather has been going lately in my part of the world, it looks like summer will be ending a little earlier than usual this year. The nights are already quite a bit cooler, which is great for sleeping!
Unfortunately, even though I sleep better, I am still tired. I don't understand it.
Another thing that is ending (sorta) is my working part-time. As of September, my hours will be slowly increasing so that by winter I will be working full-time. I am of two minds reegarding this. On one hand, I can't help but see this as a good thing as I will have more time to do my work. I have honestly been feeling a little overwhelmed but the quantity of work that I have been doing. You see I am trying to fit in a full day of work in half the time and sometimes, that is a little bit much for me. Also, since I have trouble focussing and staying on track, I have to do my work a little slower, well a lot slower on some days. So having more time to do my work has to be a good thing.
On the other hand, I am still tired and still get some really bad days (like yesterday for example). I don't know how being at work for longer periods of time will affect me. Will I be able to take care of my home, I barely can do it now.
The thing is this part-time gig is all about my depression, which has gotten better and none of it is about my Fibromyalgia and Chronic fatigue Syndrome, which seems to have gotten worst over the last couple of months. So bases soley on my depression, I am quite ready to take on more work for sure.
My Therapies have also come to a close. They have not been as helpful as I was hoping. I have been participating full on but I think my depression has more to do than my thought patterns, they are situational too. The meds I have been taking, especially since the last increase have been helping the depression more than the therapies. I can honetly say, mood wise, that I am now having more good days then bad. The last tie my mood went really bad was when one of our foster kitties passed away from Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIPS) about a month ago. I still very much miss him.
August 27, 2013
May 13, 2013
Working Part-Time and Still Exhausted
Hello dear readers!
How is everyone?
Well I am working part-time since January. I was supposed to be part-time only for about 3 months or so but as I am not doing as well as expected it has been prolonged till August.
In a previous post, I discussed how I don't have interests in much, well that is still going on.
I also have a really hard time focusing. But most of all I am just so friggin tired! And when you are tired, well it causes a whole lot of other issues right?
I read up on ways to become less tired. Mostly I have to sleep better, so to help I try to avoid caffeinated products past noon. Caffeine can have a half life of up to 5 hours! That means that it can still have a strong enough effect on you 8 hours after having consumed it. I read that I should stop using caffeine altogether, but lets be realistic here, there is no way I would be able to work, drive or do anything really during the withdrawal period. So the next best thing is being strategic about my intake as much as I can.
Another suggestion is to do more exercise. So I have taken up taking at least one walk per day. The walk succeeds in making me tired and it does help me fall asleep. It does not help me stay asleep all night, nor does it help me sleep well. I often don't feel like taking a walk because I am tired and my legs just are not being very cooperative. I recently even tripped on my own feet and almost fell flat on my face. Boy that would have hurt.
One of the things that could help me stay asleep is if the nighttime pain was reduced. Well the gabapentin that I am taking for my mood was helping for a while but it seems to no longer be helping. Most over the counter pain medications don't last through the night. So I am waiting for the rheumatologist referral to find a better way to manage the pain. That referral was done quite a while ago. I was told it should only take seven months but it has already been longer than that. Or has it? When you are waiting, sometimes it seems like forever. I know the referral was done sometime before the winter holidays. I think it was done before I went on sick leave. If it was then it definitely has been more than 7 months as I went on sick leave in early October 2012.
I am doing group therapy and taking a class to help manage my depression but the added effort these require make me more tired. They both have "homework" and the therapy has much more homework to do than the class. I have to read chapters of a book which I find extremely difficult to do. I also have to fit in extra activities in my week for each of the groups which is not always easy. Some people have already quit the groups and sometimes I wonder if I should not quit at least one of them. I may be pushing myself too hard in my attempt to get out of my depression that the chronic fatigue and the fibro are flaring.
But I am afraid that if I quit one of the groups that it may have a neagtive influence on my insurance. I would not be able to work only part-time and take these groups and spend so much time working on getting better if the insurance was not helping me financially.
Stress is also not good for getting a good night's rest. Though in all honestly, I really don't think I am that stressout lately. Sure I get overwhelmed by my lack of ability to focus but I am not really stressed.
I think I will leave it at that for now. Thanks for reading as always!
How is everyone?
Well I am working part-time since January. I was supposed to be part-time only for about 3 months or so but as I am not doing as well as expected it has been prolonged till August.
In a previous post, I discussed how I don't have interests in much, well that is still going on.
I also have a really hard time focusing. But most of all I am just so friggin tired! And when you are tired, well it causes a whole lot of other issues right?
I read up on ways to become less tired. Mostly I have to sleep better, so to help I try to avoid caffeinated products past noon. Caffeine can have a half life of up to 5 hours! That means that it can still have a strong enough effect on you 8 hours after having consumed it. I read that I should stop using caffeine altogether, but lets be realistic here, there is no way I would be able to work, drive or do anything really during the withdrawal period. So the next best thing is being strategic about my intake as much as I can.
Another suggestion is to do more exercise. So I have taken up taking at least one walk per day. The walk succeeds in making me tired and it does help me fall asleep. It does not help me stay asleep all night, nor does it help me sleep well. I often don't feel like taking a walk because I am tired and my legs just are not being very cooperative. I recently even tripped on my own feet and almost fell flat on my face. Boy that would have hurt.
One of the things that could help me stay asleep is if the nighttime pain was reduced. Well the gabapentin that I am taking for my mood was helping for a while but it seems to no longer be helping. Most over the counter pain medications don't last through the night. So I am waiting for the rheumatologist referral to find a better way to manage the pain. That referral was done quite a while ago. I was told it should only take seven months but it has already been longer than that. Or has it? When you are waiting, sometimes it seems like forever. I know the referral was done sometime before the winter holidays. I think it was done before I went on sick leave. If it was then it definitely has been more than 7 months as I went on sick leave in early October 2012.
I am doing group therapy and taking a class to help manage my depression but the added effort these require make me more tired. They both have "homework" and the therapy has much more homework to do than the class. I have to read chapters of a book which I find extremely difficult to do. I also have to fit in extra activities in my week for each of the groups which is not always easy. Some people have already quit the groups and sometimes I wonder if I should not quit at least one of them. I may be pushing myself too hard in my attempt to get out of my depression that the chronic fatigue and the fibro are flaring.
But I am afraid that if I quit one of the groups that it may have a neagtive influence on my insurance. I would not be able to work only part-time and take these groups and spend so much time working on getting better if the insurance was not helping me financially.
Stress is also not good for getting a good night's rest. Though in all honestly, I really don't think I am that stressout lately. Sure I get overwhelmed by my lack of ability to focus but I am not really stressed.
I think I will leave it at that for now. Thanks for reading as always!
April 23, 2013
Loss of interests makes life boring
You all know that I have been suffering from depression for a while now
In fact, some of you know that I sank pretty darn low at some point.
The good news is that I am technically better, I am no longer on the brink of death. I have to admit that this blog, even though I have been somewhat quiet in the last little while has been partially responsible for my imporving.
An audience, no matter how small can make a difference, no matter what my occupational therapist was telling me.
The bad news is that I seem to have plateaued in my recovery. Furthermore, my symptoms seem to have morphed into a new animal, but still depression.
On one hand I have become terribly confused and lost. It's like my brain has taken a vacation and forgot to come back. This may be a side effect of my medications. I cannot focus and concentrate and I struggle to do what used to be so easy and simple.
On the other hand I have lost interest in so many things.
Former things that brought me joy, even small joy bring me nothing but boredom.
Things like:
Anyone have any suggestions or advice on how I can gain pleasure again?
Thanks for reading.
In fact, some of you know that I sank pretty darn low at some point.
The good news is that I am technically better, I am no longer on the brink of death. I have to admit that this blog, even though I have been somewhat quiet in the last little while has been partially responsible for my imporving.
An audience, no matter how small can make a difference, no matter what my occupational therapist was telling me.
The bad news is that I seem to have plateaued in my recovery. Furthermore, my symptoms seem to have morphed into a new animal, but still depression.
On one hand I have become terribly confused and lost. It's like my brain has taken a vacation and forgot to come back. This may be a side effect of my medications. I cannot focus and concentrate and I struggle to do what used to be so easy and simple.
On the other hand I have lost interest in so many things.
Former things that brought me joy, even small joy bring me nothing but boredom.
Things like:
- reading
- playing games online
- doing crossword puzzles
- the satisfaction of a clean house (or something like it, my house is never clean)
- cooking
- baking
- taking a walk
- drawing
- crafting
- taking a drive
- shopping
- blogging
- etc.
Anyone have any suggestions or advice on how I can gain pleasure again?
Thanks for reading.
April 16, 2013
Motorcycles and Bicycles
If there is one thing that makes me nervous, even worst, that scares me is motorcycles and bicycles on the road.
I am so afraid I will hit one of them no matter how hard I work at being careful around them.
They seem to appear out of nowhere, behind me, beside me.
And I look, I do.
They are so small and hide in my blind spot so very well.
Days where there is rain or winter when it's snowing, they are not there and with good tires and a well running car, I much rather drive that beautiful summer days where they are out in full force.
If I have an accident for some reason during a thunderstorm or during a snow storm, all those involved are encase in steel and somewhat safe.
A person on a bike, whether it be bicycle or motorbike has no such protection. They can die so easily, or like a former friend of mine get very very hurt.
Anyway just thought I would share.
Thanks for reading.
I am so afraid I will hit one of them no matter how hard I work at being careful around them.
They seem to appear out of nowhere, behind me, beside me.
And I look, I do.
They are so small and hide in my blind spot so very well.
Days where there is rain or winter when it's snowing, they are not there and with good tires and a well running car, I much rather drive that beautiful summer days where they are out in full force.
If I have an accident for some reason during a thunderstorm or during a snow storm, all those involved are encase in steel and somewhat safe.
A person on a bike, whether it be bicycle or motorbike has no such protection. They can die so easily, or like a former friend of mine get very very hurt.
Anyway just thought I would share.
Thanks for reading.
March 23, 2013
Driving and Cars
Recently we have had snow just as spring was starting. A lot of snow for just the start of spring and it brought to mind some peeves I have.
The main peeve is people not clearing the snow off their cars!
How hard is it to clear the snow off your car people?
Do you not realize that not clearing the snow off your car is not only a hazard for yourself, it's also a hazard for the people around you as the blowing snowing coming off your car can cause some visibility problems for the people driving behind you.
It takes just a few minutes to brush off the snow at most. Why take the chance?
Another peeve is tailgating.
If you always have to brake while the person in front of you does not, it's a sign you are either following too close or going too fast. Yes I get it that the person in front of you may be going too slow, but tailgating is not the solution. If the person in front of you has to brake suddely for something you did not see because you were just following too close, are you sure you have the time to brake as well? I admit having someone right in my rear end makes me nervous, but will not make me speed just to satisfy their need for speed. For the record, I am not a "slow" driver.
Also is it just me or have today's drivers gotten more reckless and impatient?
I don't think I have ever heard so many horns blasting (and no not just at me). I know I drive more carefully, I take more time merging and such, I want to be safe but seriously? Pressing on the gas angrily because I chose to drive safely is doing no one any favours.
I see more slaloming as well. Do you really get to where you are going that much faster? Doesn't being stopped by a cop for a ticket slow you down much more than taking your time? Doesn't being involved in an accident delay you?
I am not a horrible driver nor an overly cautious one. I am a regular run of the mill driver. There are a lot worst than me out there, I just don't drive "stupid". I use to love going out for a drive but now, at times it scares me because of those that drive so aggressively and with so little disregard for other drivers.
I took courses to allow me to drive in the worst of weathers as well as for high speed. But none of those courses can save me from a driver that takes their own safety for granted. A car is a killing machine. It kills more people every day than guns. It seems like people forget that.
Well that is my two cents worst. Be safe out there.
Thanks for reading.
The main peeve is people not clearing the snow off their cars!
How hard is it to clear the snow off your car people?
Do you not realize that not clearing the snow off your car is not only a hazard for yourself, it's also a hazard for the people around you as the blowing snowing coming off your car can cause some visibility problems for the people driving behind you.
It takes just a few minutes to brush off the snow at most. Why take the chance?
Another peeve is tailgating.
If you always have to brake while the person in front of you does not, it's a sign you are either following too close or going too fast. Yes I get it that the person in front of you may be going too slow, but tailgating is not the solution. If the person in front of you has to brake suddely for something you did not see because you were just following too close, are you sure you have the time to brake as well? I admit having someone right in my rear end makes me nervous, but will not make me speed just to satisfy their need for speed. For the record, I am not a "slow" driver.
Also is it just me or have today's drivers gotten more reckless and impatient?
I don't think I have ever heard so many horns blasting (and no not just at me). I know I drive more carefully, I take more time merging and such, I want to be safe but seriously? Pressing on the gas angrily because I chose to drive safely is doing no one any favours.
I see more slaloming as well. Do you really get to where you are going that much faster? Doesn't being stopped by a cop for a ticket slow you down much more than taking your time? Doesn't being involved in an accident delay you?
I am not a horrible driver nor an overly cautious one. I am a regular run of the mill driver. There are a lot worst than me out there, I just don't drive "stupid". I use to love going out for a drive but now, at times it scares me because of those that drive so aggressively and with so little disregard for other drivers.
I took courses to allow me to drive in the worst of weathers as well as for high speed. But none of those courses can save me from a driver that takes their own safety for granted. A car is a killing machine. It kills more people every day than guns. It seems like people forget that.
Well that is my two cents worst. Be safe out there.
Thanks for reading.
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