Life Goes On

As you know I am back at work and my silver lining luck is holding out.

What is silver lining luck you say?  Sounds good does it not?

Silver lining luck is bad luck with a silver lining.  Bad luck that could have been worst but was saved from the worst scenario by a smidgen.

Last time I had to file my EI report for my last week of EI, I had to call then because I declared that I had returned to work the second week of my report.  It took a few days to reach them so my half payment was delayed by a few days.

Last week I found out that my paycheck would be delayed (or reduced?) as I had an over-payment of vacation.

I have no money and bad things happen but it could be a lot worst.  For example, I have food to feed us, I have a roof over our head and during the worst of the deep freeze we were warm.  I also have a car that works, has good tires and gas in it. Now I am scared that insurance will not cover me as I probably screwed up the phone interview but at least my part-time pays as much as full EI. It would be nice to have more as my bills are more and the cost of going to work (gas\parking) is putting a further strain on my budget, it could definitely be worst.

Another new thing that is happening is that I have started group therapy for social phobia.  It's too early to tell if it will work yet but we seem to have a good group.  By their reaction to some things I can tell we have a lot in common.  By the end of the first session, their was already some small bit of bonding going on (that's pretty good for people dealing with social anxiety disorder).  I did sign a confidentiality agreement so there is a lot that I can't share, but I can admit to being in a group.  I have hopes that this group will help with my discomfort around people.  It may not cure the revulsion part.  (Natural part of a person who doesn't like people over much working in client service for too many years.)

On a side note, it's almost tax time.  I hate doing my taxes but I LOVE getting refunds.  I hope I will get a refund again this year, it will help a lot.

Well that's it for now, thanks for reading!

Back @ Work

My return to work has been so far fairly uninteresting for anyone, including myself.

Sunday to Monday night I barely slept, I was so so very nervous.  I go up extra early to start getting ready and wound up watching TV for a few hours.

I get to work and I get a lot of uncomfortable questions from people like "How are you?" and "Are you happy to be back?"

My boss tried to cage the extend of my limitations by asking question about what kind of activities involve stressful reactions.

Duh, the letter said so, I can't take calls.  I can do anything that doesn't involve having to deal with people.

People are my stressors.  He doesn't need to know that I have social phobia.  He needs to know that I have a medical reason for avoiding taking calls from irate or difficult clients.  I mentioned to him that the job description which was being used was very out of date and did not include the new program or the increased back up.

Anyway, so for the week i was given very little to do, which was good on Friday but not the other days.

On Friday, I was sick.  I could barely stay awake at work, I could not read or focus for the life of my and was scared driving home in the freezing rain feeling like that.

When I got home I crashed for the next 18 hours (almost).  I did wake up to give medications to a cat I am currently babysitting, take my pills but otherwise, I slept and was pretty much out of it until Saturday morning.


Well that' it, thanks for reading.

Having Little to Say

Hello all

Happy new year.

I apologize for my time away, also for restricting my blog temporarily.

You see I have had very little to say in the last little while that was not a mere repetition of what I have previously already said.

There are just so many ways you can say the same thing without just becoming dull as, well what exactly is that dull?

I am going back to work soon and my return is already not going very smoothly.  Also, the new year has not started very well either as my son's laptop has broken.

I am due back at work on the 7th of January.  It scares me.  I am not sure I am quite ready but I have to face the music eventually.  I am to go back part time, which will pay about the same as when I was on Employment Insurance.  I hope to qualify for my insurance to pay the balance but I have yet to know if that will be the case.  There are no guaranties you see.

Some limitations and accommodations are suggested for my return as I should not yet deal with difficult clients as I have yet to start my therapies.  These things take time.  If they cannot accommodate me then I may not be able to return as quickly, so the insurance will become paramount.

I am still not sleeping very well and the times I sleep best are in the morning.  Unfortunately, it's morning I am to work.  Maybe I will be able to change it later if it's not working.  We'll see...

I am on medications and they are helping with my mood but I am still wrought with moments of anxiety and despair at times, so fearful of setting the house on fire.  Needless to say I still struggle with my self esteem.

It's unbelievable that I have already been off work for three months.  I have done so little.  Time has flown.

I will let you know how things go once I am back at work.

Thanks for reading.