The second millennium was still 20 years away and seemed like such a distant thing to us all. For most of us, we had thoughts of flying cars (not yet), a colony on the moon and maybe a few other planets (not yet), life à la "Jetsons"
and bit of "Star Trek" thrown in for good measure.
Not only did the teacher ask us to visualize what the world would look like in the year 2000, she also wanted us to list the things we would have accomplished by the year 2000. Some people came up with extraordinary and amazing things, others has simpler dreams.
When I was 7, I figured that by the year 2000, I'd be married with 4 kids and own a nice house and be a career woman, like maybe a teacher or a cop.
I thought that I would have already won at the Olympics in Figure Skating. I truly had a passion for figure skating.
Little did I know that that list of accomplishments would become life goals for me. For the longest time I didn't even have a conscious thought that I wanted to have accomplished these things by the year 2000, until it hit me in 1999 .
In 1999, I was a single mother of two beautiful children, a broke former security guard with no chance of becoming the cop I had studied to be.
- I did not have a husband - came close but sanity did win out in the nick of time, it was my desperation talking.
- I had two beautiful children, not the four I had wanted - kinda happy I only got two, that the cancer prevented me from accomplishing that one. Single mom with 4 kids, a little too much for me as I am now.
- I did not have a career that I could be proud of, I wasn't even working!
- I did not have a house that I owned, actually, I was on the verge of being homeless as I could not afford rent on most places - Gosh that was scary!!!
- I had not won my gold medal in the Olympics
In 1999 I had recently been diagnosed as bipolar, Protected services wanted to take my kids away and I was deeply, deeply depressed from being so far away from my goals, my dreams. This depression from not having reached my goals, my dreams on time stayed with me since. I am still depressed because of some of those failures and a therapist told me to lower my goals, lower my standards so I could be happy. Forget about trying to reach some of those goals that were still possible (like owning a house). I can see her logic, and I am sure it works for some, but to me, that was not a solution. Having easily attainable goals just did not give me the motivation to surpass myself. That was not an option. I did however decide to reevaluate the list and try to make the best of it.
Well, I will never get the Olympic Gold, nor will I have 4 children. What I have done to compensate for the two "missing children" is to sponsor two children from underdeveloped areas, hopefully giving them a better life. This way I have my four kids kinda...
I won't suddenly become a cop but tried to make the best of the education I did get. At least I got the education, I am proud that I did not give up on that. Sure I got job after job that paid the bills, that killed me inside every day, that were not suited to my personality but did very well, thanks to the education I had in pursuing my goals to have a career. I did not reach my dream but I did make a difference.
I did not get a husband, in fact I have pretty much given up on male (or any) companionship. I do not need a husband, I don't even need a boyfriend. Since I currently don't have a libido and have not had one for a few years, a man in my life would be a difficulty I do not need. Sure they come in handy when they pay half of the bills and help out with the repairs, but quite honestly, those were not the kind of men I was attracting anyways. Better off without. Maybe in the distant future things may change, who knows?
BUT, after years of sacrifices, of not letting various events distract me from my goal, I have FINALLY accomplished the dream of house ownership!!!! Not declaring bankruptcy when I got framed for the taxes and tightening my belt to pay it off paid off. Not declaring bankruptcy when my best friend left me a a while whack of debts paid off, not choosing the easy way now, but taking the hard road has paid off.
I was able to buy a new car and now a HOUSE!
It's not my dream house, (and since I don't have the Jetson's maid robot to do the cleaning, that's fine) but it's MY HOUSE, mine, all mine (and the banks...)
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| Note the front yard, good for gardening and Halloween decorations. PLUS A TREE, for hanging ghosts and ghouls! |
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| The little kitchen but it has a double sink OH the luxury! I may change the faucets to get one with a hose spray. Plenty of cupboards |
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| The back yard is TILED and note the CENTRAL AIR! Kijiji, get ready to sell a few of my things, like AIR CONDITIONERS! |
Yeah it needs a little work, but there is a LINEN closet! an actual linen closet to put the towels and linens, such a little thing but so useful. 4+1 bedrooms, enough for each of us to have a room AND have an office AND a guest room.
See not all my posts are bad! Thanks for reading...
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