Taking a break

Last Thursday, I went to see a doctor about the pain in my wrist and the numbness in my hand, turns out it's the Ulnar nerve that is compressed.  My non existent family doctor will need to look into it, in the meantime I am supposed to try and keep my elbow from being bent too long....

When I go to work, within the first 30 minutes of being there I was crying and desperately wanting NEEDING to go home.   I was at work from 10:30 to 4:00 and off and on all day I was either on the verge of tears or actually crying.

I need to say that I kinda ran out of the medication which was helping me sleep and keeping my pain level down.  So I have been trying to deal.  Also my GERD is at an all time high, massive burning, another thing that my family doctor needs to look into.

So I am sensitive.  I hate myself for it, but it seems to be beyond what I can control at this point.  I am exhausted, IBS acting up.  Trying to deal with my totally non compliant son.

Life is too much and work, with the toxic situation I have to deal with there is making my anxiety flare so bad I just can't handle it anymore.

So Friday morning I did not go to work.  Took a sick day.  I do not consider this "faking".  Mentally I am not in a place  where I am functional, where I can cope with toxic.  Monday, Tuesday, did not go to work either.  Told them I will not be going in for the rest of the week.

I only have two days of sick, the rest will need to be vacation.  But at the risk of being called childish, weak, accused of not thinking things through, I MUST TAKE A BREAK.  

I am seeing the psychiatrist on the 18th, seeing two of them actually, surely one of them will be able to attest that my mind was too fragile to deal with nasty people.  OK at least attest that I was not in condition to do my job.

In the meantime I have been keeping myself busy, I have been shopping for a house, trying to fill that void, that need.  Also I have been spending quite a bit of time in my basement, doing laundry and sorting.  There is still a lot to do and I have not been able to keep at it non stop BUT I have managed to make a dent in the stuff I have.  I filled 6 large garbage bags of donate stuff and filled 2 garbage bags of trash from the basement (stuff not good enough to donate)  I also go rid of two older dressers.  I plan on getting rid of at least that much if not more in the next few days (I might move out of the basement and touch other rooms)

I have also done a lot of laundry.  I plan on washing all of the massively soiled items from my son's room.  (About 10 loads of laundry, highly soiled, requiring at times two to three runs through the washer with Oxyclean)  My son tends to not clean himself or his surrounding.  He also has enuresis, and does not take the soiled stuff out.  We have to fight our way into his room, risk injury with all the trash and electronic components to get to his soiled laundry.  Hopefully I will have the time and energy to go take some trash out of his room too.

This is what I call taking a break because I have not been dealing with people much.  I have been cleansing my home, making it healthier.

I can't do this for long, the need to pay bills will win out, even though the jobs that pay the bills are killing me.  At least I have the last few days....


Thanks for reading.