Struggling today

I had a hard time getting up this morning.

True I have a hard time getting up EVERY morning, but this morning was tougher.

I am getting more and more exhausted.

Physically, emotionally and intellectually.

I can't even blame the holidays this year because I am not really doing the holidays.

The packing, I am sure  could be used as an excuse, but at the moment, it's only the thought of it and the stress about it that can be used as I am not really packing.

I want the children to come and do some of it with me, but they don't.  We have the boxes and if we all work together it would be done very quickly.  It would then be over.

But as it is, it is not getting done.

It is freezing rain outside.

Freezing rain affects me negatively.  Somehow I hurt more and am more depressed when it is cold or wet.

Freezing rain is cold AND wet.

I also forgot to take my pills this morning.  That is not helping the pain.

Plus I am more prone to being in pain at this time, also more prone to be tired.

So maybe that's it.

I also feel so overwhelmed with everything.

I don't know if I should be, but I am, it just seems like too much for me.

Maybe it would be a breeze for someone else to get everything that needs to get done, done.

To me it's seems like so much more than I can handle.

Yes I am being a wimp, and possibly even lazy.

What do you think?

I technically work 9 hours a day plus 1.5 hours travel time.  Unless I have appointments.

The extra hour is to make up for the time I have to take off for appointments.

I typically have a minimum of 3 appointments per week.  That's a lot you say?  I agree, it's a lot and it stresses me.  Why do I have so many appointments you say, well let's break it down.

My son has appointments with all kinds of people. 

• School (1 per week)
• Psychiatrist (1 per month)
• Family doctor (3 per year)
• Social Worker 1 (at least 1 per month)
• Social Worker 2 (at least 1 per month)
• Social Worker 3 (at least 1 per month)  (Each social worker has a different purpose, one works with him and is attached to the hospital, the other two are from agencies that work with people with disabilities)
• Dentist (at least 1 per month) He has many cavities lately.
• Orthodontist (1 per week lately but usually 1 per month)

Me

• Family doctor (1 per month)
• Psychiatrist (at least 1 per month)
• Counseling (at least 1 per month)
• Dentist
• Lawyer (once biweekly lately then it will drop off)
• Real estate agent (once biweekly but it will drop off)
• Mortgage broker (once biweekly but will drop off)
• Massage therapist (should be every two weeks but don't have the time)
• Physiotherapist (should be every two weeks but don't have the time)

My daughter also has sporadic stuff but she can mostly handle her own

I also have "homework" from some of those above, to do at home, forms that needs to be filled out on a regular basis.  A LOT OF FORMS.

I also have to pack, 3 bedroom house with way too much stuff, still some culling to do.

Still have a lot of cleaning, regular stuff like vacuuming, dishes, laundry... but also some deep cleaning in preparation for the move (Fridge, stove, chest freezer, cupboards etc...).

Still have to do the errands (shopping for food, supplies, meds, etc...)

Clean up the front and back yards.  (I know it's late but since it's not snowing yet, it's not TOO late, I did pull out the garden lights...)

Now remember, I still have the sprained ankle, the fibromyalgia, the chronic fatigue, the challenge of a PDD-NOS / ODD child who is violent and rather unreasonable.  I still am bipolar and a single mom.


Oh I know, I am whining...  and I wimp... it's really not so much, I just need to eat better, sleep less waste less time and get on with it, plenty of time to get it all done

And you are right, there is.  There is even time to decorate and bake for the holidays...

I just can't bring myself to do all of this.  I am after all superwoman, I keep my cape in my underwear drawer.


Well thanks for reading.