So I had my appointment with my psychiatrist today. I was expecting to have the new prescription.
Turns out she decided to change her mind about the Lamotrigine. She has gone back to the off label use to of gababentin to control my moods, and help with my depression.
My depression has gotten worst (partially due to life events) since starting that medication and I was looking forward to the Lamotrigine for many reasons.
This has dealt a serious blow to my already unstable mood.
The hope was keeping me going,. now I don't have that to go on.
I was also supposed to get counseling from her team, something I need big ime, but that has also been put on the back burner. It was suggested that I pay for the service.
I don't have issues with paying for the service per say, if I had the money to pay for the service.
I actually did pay over $6,000.00 out of pocket in 2011 for counseling services along with massage therapy and physiotherapy out of pocket. My insurance was not covering enough., only covered the first few visits which covered barely the tip of the iceberg.
I need to be able to pay rent (mortgage) and buy food for myself and the kids.
I am exhausted beyond beleif, at my wits end and at the end of my rope. With no help in sight.
She asks about my suicidal tendancies. I feel very uncomfortable talking about my wish to die.
Suicide is something people do, not something they talk about.
At least when one trule has a wish to die. I am really getting tired of trying to get help, of having my hopes dashed.
I can't help but ask myself if any of this is really worth it anymore, why fight when nothing ever happens and things just keep getting worst all the time.
Why bother?
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