What is worst than one depressed person?

Two depressed persons living in the same house.

Two depressed persons living with a person who has trouble with empathy and has developmental delays.

If you have been reading my blog, or know me personally, you can't have missed that I have been suffering with depression for a while now, that I struggle to find a way to get better.  You also have heard or read me complaining about my kids.  In a previous post I mentioned that my daughter was a little dramatic and a little lost.

Well what I have not mentioned or been clear about is that my daughter has also been struggling with depression for quite some time now.  If you consider her struggles and stressors, it's not rocket science to figure out that she is affected by her surroundings.  She was also a victim at a young age and some of that trauma tries to resurface.

So our house has two depressed females living in it.  Three people who struggle to meet their obligations.  The holiday season is just around the corner and rather than it being a joyous occasion to spend with friends and family, all of us fear it.  None of us are in the mood; all of us wish to hide under a rock until it is all over.

On one token, we do not celebrate Christmas, we celebrate winter.  This makes it tough for us.  This makes it especially tough for the kids.  We usually still decorate (maybe not this year with the added burden of the move) and usually still have a nice meal and gifts.  But we don't party.  We are not partiers.  Parties make us uncomfortable.  Parties are unpleasant.  Even when we are not depressed, we do not like parties.

Our wonderful neighbours have generously invited us for Christmas dinner this year as they know we are moving and figured we probably don't have the time, motivation, energy or inclination to go through the fuss.  Even though we did not sound overly excited, we gratefully accepted.  This is a small dinner with people we enjoy, not a party.

For me to get better, I need my daughter to act like she is not depressed.  For her to get better, she needs me to act like I do not have Fibromyalgia and depression.  Easier said than done.

I think that my Fibromyalgia and depression are huge reasons for my daughter's depression.  She wants and NEEDS me to be like other moms and dads. She struggles to accept my limitations, her brother's limitations and her responsibility to us.  Is it fair?   HELL NO.  Life is rarely fair.  She has only one parent and that parent is not even 100%.  That parent does not cook supper every day, can't clean the house like other moms, can’t afford stuff like other families with two incomes, her brother is not pulling his own weight for a variety of reasons, she was raised stricter than her brother and it's not fair.

Because there is no other adult to share the burden and the responsibilities, she has less freedom and more responsibilities than others her age. However, since she is depressed, she can't bring herself to do all the things she needs to do, she struggles with her studies, lowering her self esteem, and she loses patience with her support system, making her feel isolated.

She feels too hopeless and overburdenned to seek help.  She fears the financial aspect of getting help, even though as a student, she has access to more resources than I do.  I can see her struggles, I can see my failure as a parent.  I also fear that her depression may be more than just depression., that like me, it may be something deeper, but unless she sees a doctor or a therapist, we can't know.  She would definitely benefit from therapy and medications, it would help her anxiety and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

We haven't come through all that we have come through to be overcome by this.

Well thanks for reading.