What is our world coming to????

I have a news addiction.


OK well maybe addiction is a strong word, I just really enjoy reading the news, I enjoy more the comments sections for the stories online.

Lately I have been seriously disturbed by various news stories.  Maybe the world has always been like this and we were just blissfully unaware.  Or maybe it is actually getting worst.

It seems like our society is loosing it's sense of compassion.  A a group we seem to be reverting more and more to our animal selves, where need and greed wipes out our humanity.

Having studies criminology and the history of crime and our legal system, I know that humans have always been able of horrible acts of depravity.  Throughout history there have been specimens of humans which do unbelievable things, such as Elizabeth Bathory, Ted Bundy, the doctors who experimented on concentration camp prisoners and so many more, but generally these were individuals, or group directed by an individual.

Lately I read these types of stories:

* Stories about a swarm of people beating a pregnant woman on Toronto streets. Toronto Sun Story

* Stories about people walking over a man who had died in order to get some good deals on Black Friday. Glenn Beck Story

* A child run over by a truck and no one assisting.  New York Post Story

* A heroic homeless man, stabbed after saving a Queens woman from a knife-wielding attacker, lay dying in a pool of blood for more than an hour as nearly 25 people indifferently strolled past him. New York Post Story

Really?  Ignore a dying man in order to get the latest Harry Potter movie at a great price?  Having the latest gizmo and gadgets for a good price is more important than a human life? 

This explains a great many things in society.  This explains "unfriending" someone because they are depressed rather than offering assistance.  As a society we are ill, truly ill if these are our values!

This disturbs me greatly!

Well thanks for reading...

A dark time

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there was this teenager and her family.

Her mom had a motel with 17 rooms to rent on 9 acres of land.  It was a truly beautiful place, with many mature trees, situated by a river.

The name of the river "Rivière Blanche" was a incongruity as the river was not white, not even clear, but rather brown and murky.

Her mom had owned the motel since her parents had split.  (That split was the best thing that had happened to the family.  The parents' lost love for one another had become an uncomfortable thing)  The motel business had not been doing quite as well in the last few years and her mom had decided to sell. She was also acutely aware that her children were almost grown up and would soon be flying the coop.  Her two eldest had already moved out on their own at one time. The oldest, had moved out for the first time a few years ago, first to live in a bachelor, then a place with other students close to the university he was attending.  The Benjamin, had moved out with a friend for a year.  Even though hey had both come back, it was not going to be for long.  The youngest, was 4 1/2 years younger than the other two but already done with high-school and started college.

Enter Michel.  Michel represented himself as a Real estate developer middleman.  At first he was going to buy the property and develop it, then his "investors" pulled out and he was going to help her mom sell to some other developers for a profit.

At some point in time, he became involved with her mom.  He moved from the motel where he was staying to the home.  He seemed like prince charming.  The whole family was twitter-peeted, thinking he was the most amazing person since  the saviour!  The teenager adored him as he would take the time to listen to her, spend time with her.  As Michel did not have a driver's permit, he had lost it due to drunk driving, the teenager was often called upon to drive him to his various errands.  He was  doctor in psychology and knew how to understand to human mind.  In the beginning, Michel was able to convince the teenager to have self-esteem, perhaps the first time in her life. The teenager even told him once that she wished he was her father.

She would eventually change her mind.

This man was no angel.  In fact he was much closer to the devil.  He knew how to manipulate, and some suspect he might even have known how to hypnotize.  He knew how to be charming to gain trust.  The family's dog was even enamored.

What this man did eventually ruined them and for a period, almost destroyed the family.  In a way, they may never have fully recovered.

Even though Michel may have had many qualities, he had quite a few serious character traits that caused a great many problems.  Michel's main problems were that he was a serious alcoholic, did heavy drugs and was a gambler.  He loved to bet on horses and usually lost.

He had some good and decent friends that the family got to meet.  There was a gentle man from Montreal who seemed to ooze goodness.

So Michel came in to the family's life, offering to fulfill all of their dreams, sell the motel at a good price, maybe develop the land with profit and wound up taking the mom for everything she was worth and more.  WE must admit, he played largely on their greed and their need to be loved and understood.

Not only did he sell many of her assets (furniture from the motel) and drink and gamble all the money away, he also got the mother to take out a substantial loan to develop her property, and proceeded to gamble all of that money away as well.  When he could not get money to fuel his addictions he would become abusive and threatening.

Once, when the mother was away and he was under the influence of alcohol and drugs, he threatened to rape the teenager.  The teenager was so very afraid that night, she cowered in her room and was afraid that the door of her room which did not have a proper handle would not hold to protect her.  She had moved furniture in front of the door for extra safety.

The next day when  her mother came home, she tried to tell her what had happened.  The mother refused to believe that Michel had meant any harm, and she was convinced that the teenager in a fit of jealousy was trying to stir up trouble.  It was decided that the teenager, rather than Michel would move away for "her own happiness".

Feeling completely betrayed by her own mother, that she would choose an abusive, lying. cheating drug and alcohol addicted over her, the teenager would refuse to speak to her mother for months after moving out.  To make things worst, her brothers also refused to believe the teenager and they all felt she was simply being immature and mean.  Here she was, a teenager, barely 18, living away from "home" working two jobs and going to college, trying to support herself.  Mind you, she moved into a 3 bedroom apartment into which her brothers moved in also.  Their father sent monthly checks to help out with the rent, so between the four of them, her share of the rent was not all that high, but she still had to buy her food, pay for her car, and try to have a life.

The teenager had a friend (Sonia) that had moved in with her mother after she and her brothers had moved out.  The friend's family had moved out of town and in order to attend college, the teen's mother had offered to board her in exchange for some help with the motel.

Through Sonia, the teenager was kept informed of the going on's in her mother's life.  After a particularly troubling episode, the teenager had decided to call the police on Michel.  She wanted to get her mother free from the destructive nature of that man.  Even though she was not speaking to her mother, and felt betrayed by her, she still loved her mother so very much.  The teenager's mother and brother became angry with the teenager when they found out that she had called the police.  Michel had managed to evade the police, the mother had hidden him to protect him.

After a great many horrible experiences, which we will discuss at some later time, the mother finally found the courage and the strength to get rid of Michel.  He left with her cell phone (which at the time was quite onerous) and racked up a huge bill for her mom to pay.  Her mom was almost destitute at this point, overwhelmed with stress and emotions, debtors of all kinds knocking on her door.  The teen was massively worried that her mother would either take her own life or die from the pressure.

The teen decided to call her mother's family to appraise them of the situation and of her worries.  She appealed to them to help her and her mother.  They agreed that the situation was dire and decided to send some a brother in law (uncle by alliance) to fetch her mother and try to help her and take care of her.  In the meantime, the teen agreed to try and hold the fort, try to take care of the motel, which was difficult with the school and work.  She had friends come and sleep over as there would be many break-ins ans she was scared.  When she could not have friends over, she would sleep with a baseball bat by her side.  In fact, one night her mom and uncle had decided to drive down for some reason or other without warning the teen.  It was only due to the uncles quick reflexes in warning the teen at the last minute that prevented the teen from bashing her mother's head with the baseball bat as they entered the room where she was sleeping.

The teen had been able to cancel the huge cellphone bill by calling the cellphone company and pretending to be her mother.  She advised them that in fact the phone had been stolen and the charges had been done by the thief.  After a great many negotiations they agreed to cancel most of the bill.

Things settled down for a bit, her mother came back and was able to care for herself.  The teen stayed with her for a while to try and help and renew their relationship.  Her lease expeired, her brothers moved out on their own and her stuff was stored in a shed for a bit.  The teen discovered she had managed to become pregnant during this ordeal and mom and daughter started preparing for the happy event.

Eventually the motel was sold for the value of the debts and nothing more.  Her mom received a loan from her father to purchase an old folks home so the mother would have some income and the teen returned to her adult life with a brand new baby daughter, in an appartment of her own.

To this day most of this story is a blur.  Mother, teen and brothers all have a different memory of what went down.  They rarele speak about what happened and have decided to just move on.


More will be added to the story as teen and mother remember more.  Stay tuned as the story will grow with time.

And thanks for reading.

Stress

Some people do stress well, others do stress, no so good.

I know that at some level, even the people who usually deal with stress well get affected.

There are different kinds of stresses, can be grouped into four main types of stress.

Eustress

Have you ever (I'm sure you have) felt:

- The thrill and excited feeling while watching a horror movie
- The feeling of excitement when you won a game or race
- The excitement when you bought your first car
- The accomplishment of a challenge
- The proud feeling of being a first time parent
- The happy feeling of being loved
- The excitement of going for a holiday

These feelings sure make us feel good and they are the so-called "good stress" or "positive stress". They are able to exert a healthy effect on you. It gives one a feeling of fulfillment or contentment and also makes one excited about life. Unfortunately, it is a type of stress that only occurs for a short period of time.

Eustress is also often called the curative stress because it gives a person the ability to generate the best performance or maximum output.

Distress

Just like everything in life, when there are good or positive stress, there are also "bad" or "negative stress". These types of stress is the opposite of Eustress and it's called Distress

Distress is a “negative stress”. It is a stress disorder that is caused by adverse events and it often influences a person’s ability to cope. Some events leading to distress are:

- Death of a loved one
- Financial problems
- Heavy work responsibility and workload
- Strained relationship
- Chronic illnesses

Distress can be classified further as acute stress or chronic stress. Acute stress is short-lived while chronic stress is usually prolonged in nature.

The remaining two types of stress are:

Hyperstress

When a person is pushed beyond what he or she can handle, they will experience what we called hyperstress.

Hyperstress results from being overloaded or overworked. It’s like being stressed out. When someone is hyperstressed, even little things can trigger a strong emotional response. People who are most likely to suffer from hyperstress are:

- Working mothers who have to multi-task, juggling between work and family commitments
- A wall street trader who are constantly under immerse tension
- People who are under constant financial strains.
- Generally people working in fast pace environment.

and the extreme opposite of hyperstress is

Hypostress

Hypostress stands in direct opposite to hyperstress. That is because hypostress is one of those types of stress experienced by a person who is constantly bored. Someone in an unchallenging job, such as a factory worker performing the same task over and over, will often experience hypostress. The effect of hypostress is feelings of restlessness and a lack of inspiration.

Long-term stress or stress that is occurring over long periods of time can have an even greater effect on your body and mind. Long-term stress can affect your body by:

• ·         Changing your appetite (making you eat either less or more)
• ·         Changing your sleep habits (either causing you to sleep too much or not letting you sleep enough)
• ·         Encouraging 'nervous' behavior such as twitching, fiddling, talking too much, nail biting, teeth grinding, pacing, and other repetitive habits
• ·         Causing you to catch colds or the flu more often and causing other illnesses such as asthma, headaches, stomach problems, skin problems, and other aches and pains
• ·         Affecting your sex life and performance
• ·         Making you feel constantly tired and worn out

Long-term stress can also have serious effects on your mental health and behavior. If you are under stress for long periods of time, you may find that you have difficulty thinking clearly, dealing with problems, or even handling day-to-day situations as simple as shaving, picking up clothes or arriving somewhere on time. Some mental signs of long-term stress include:

• ·         Worrying and feeling anxious (which can sometimes lead to anxiety disorder and panic attacks)
• ·         Feeling out of control, overwhelmed, confused, and/or unable to make decisions
• ·         Experiencing mood changes such as depression, frustration, anger, helplessness, irritability, defensiveness, irrationality, overreaction, or impatience and restlessness
• ·         Increasing dependence on food, cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs
• ·         Neglecting important things in life such as work, school, and even personal appearance
• ·         Developing irrational fears of things such as physical illnesses, natural disasters like thunderstorms and earthquakes, and even being terrified of ordinary situations like heights or small spaces

While occasionally experiencing one or two of the above symptoms may not be cause for concern (everyone has a few nervous habits and difficulties in their lives!), having a number of these symptoms may mean you are under more stress than you think. But realizing you are under stress is the first step in learning to deal with stress. 

Well I am stressed

all the time.

Even the good stresses make me feel like I am dying, someday I will either figure out how to reduce the stress or how to handle it better.

Physical and mental sings of stress

Types of stress

What is worst than one depressed person?

Two depressed persons living in the same house.

Two depressed persons living with a person who has trouble with empathy and has developmental delays.

If you have been reading my blog, or know me personally, you can't have missed that I have been suffering with depression for a while now, that I struggle to find a way to get better.  You also have heard or read me complaining about my kids.  In a previous post I mentioned that my daughter was a little dramatic and a little lost.

Well what I have not mentioned or been clear about is that my daughter has also been struggling with depression for quite some time now.  If you consider her struggles and stressors, it's not rocket science to figure out that she is affected by her surroundings.  She was also a victim at a young age and some of that trauma tries to resurface.

So our house has two depressed females living in it.  Three people who struggle to meet their obligations.  The holiday season is just around the corner and rather than it being a joyous occasion to spend with friends and family, all of us fear it.  None of us are in the mood; all of us wish to hide under a rock until it is all over.

On one token, we do not celebrate Christmas, we celebrate winter.  This makes it tough for us.  This makes it especially tough for the kids.  We usually still decorate (maybe not this year with the added burden of the move) and usually still have a nice meal and gifts.  But we don't party.  We are not partiers.  Parties make us uncomfortable.  Parties are unpleasant.  Even when we are not depressed, we do not like parties.

Our wonderful neighbours have generously invited us for Christmas dinner this year as they know we are moving and figured we probably don't have the time, motivation, energy or inclination to go through the fuss.  Even though we did not sound overly excited, we gratefully accepted.  This is a small dinner with people we enjoy, not a party.

For me to get better, I need my daughter to act like she is not depressed.  For her to get better, she needs me to act like I do not have Fibromyalgia and depression.  Easier said than done.

I think that my Fibromyalgia and depression are huge reasons for my daughter's depression.  She wants and NEEDS me to be like other moms and dads. She struggles to accept my limitations, her brother's limitations and her responsibility to us.  Is it fair?   HELL NO.  Life is rarely fair.  She has only one parent and that parent is not even 100%.  That parent does not cook supper every day, can't clean the house like other moms, can’t afford stuff like other families with two incomes, her brother is not pulling his own weight for a variety of reasons, she was raised stricter than her brother and it's not fair.

Because there is no other adult to share the burden and the responsibilities, she has less freedom and more responsibilities than others her age. However, since she is depressed, she can't bring herself to do all the things she needs to do, she struggles with her studies, lowering her self esteem, and she loses patience with her support system, making her feel isolated.

She feels too hopeless and overburdenned to seek help.  She fears the financial aspect of getting help, even though as a student, she has access to more resources than I do.  I can see her struggles, I can see my failure as a parent.  I also fear that her depression may be more than just depression., that like me, it may be something deeper, but unless she sees a doctor or a therapist, we can't know.  She would definitely benefit from therapy and medications, it would help her anxiety and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

We haven't come through all that we have come through to be overcome by this.

Well thanks for reading.

Bipolar - NOS and New Treatement

So, I have some answers.

I wanted to know under which Bipolar umbrella I fell, Type I, Type II or  Cyclothemic.  Turns out I do not fall under any of those terms.  As my Bipolar is chemically induced by anti-depressants (Hypo mania caused by anti-depressants) they have created a catch-all category called NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) for people who must be treated like bipolar but do not exactly fall into the typical categories.

2008          2009            2010            2011

In order to treat my depression, the psychiatrist will first treat my Fibromyalgia as the problems with the Fibromyalgia acerbate the depression. (Pain and lack of sleep)  To do that, she has prescribed Gababentin.  This medication has a 2.9 % possibility of weight gain.  Once my body has adjusted, she will prescribe Lamotrigine for the depression, a mood stabilizer that actually has weight loss as a side effect. (Compared to 16% weight gain with Lyrica and more than 60% weight gain with Seroquel which my former family doctor insisted was my only treatment option.)

My main psychiatrist had be assessed by a second psychiatrist (actually a fellow under the direction of another psychiatrist) and asked for their recommendations for treatment if agreed with the original diagnosis. The fellow (Dr. Zeigman) asked me many many many questions before jumping to a conclusion.  We "chatted" for about 2 and 1/2 hours.  We discussed my various issues, past and present, including my serious problem with the fact that I had gained so much weight in the last few years and my past unhealthy methods to try and maintain an "acceptable weight" (laxative us, purging, starvation diet, eating things that I know my body has issues digesting to create a "food poisoning effect").  He agreed that any treatment must take these issues into consideration in order to be effective.  He actually referred me to a site I had previously consulted about treating bipolar with weight gain meds and the possible negative impact of doing so.  He is the one who took the time to explain the bipolar diagnosis to me and how in fit into this diagnosis.

Jan 2012          2013?         Dec 2014?


Even though I am still depressed, for the first time in such a very long time I have hope to get my life back.  I am looking at the possibility of reduced pain, reduced exhaustion and reduced depression.  In the last 4 years, I have gotten massively overweight and my fitness level has dropped so drastically that it is difficult to imagine I was ever fit.  Trying to get back to anywhere near to where I was will involve a very long road ahead, but it is not longer the massive mountain it used to be. The weight is just the physical representation of  overall health and ability.  I may never be "thin" again but if I am physically fit and healthy, even with some extra curves here and there, it would be a massive improvement.  Not having my meds work against my efforts will also be a relief. 

Two years ago, in May 2009 when I quit smoking, I tried being pro-active and went on a healthy diet prior to quitting.  I was on a 1200 calorie/day diet and I had taken up walking at lunch and breaks.  When I quit, my moods went into a tailspin and I went on anti-depressants and Seroquel.  Even though I was eating 1200 cal/day and exercising, I gained 10 pounds.  At that point, I pretty much gave up.  Continued to eat healthy but my weight continued to spin out of control.  When I stopped the medications I was unable to lose the weight.  Later the exhaustion of continued stress and the pain stripped me of all motivation to exercise.


Maybe, just maybe the tides will turn for the better in 2012, finally.  New house all mine and new meds which will help rather than hinder.  Maybe 2012 will also find an acceptable solution for my son?  We have been working so hard and so long for a solution..

Well thanks for reading!

The Morality Gene

I have been referred to this website to help me understand myself . http://www.psycheducation.org.

It looks familiar to me, I think I stumbled onto it before when I was looking for a correlation between weight gain and Bipolar medication.  This time I am reading the whole thing as it has a lot of very interesting studies and conclusions.

One interesting aspect is the Morality Gene.  I will copy here most of this article but I strongly urge you to go to the very website and browse it.

I would assume I am a blue person

Chapter 1: Why are some people so affected by stress? 

YELLOW PEOPLE AND BLUE PEOPLE(reviewed, new link, 5/2006)

Yellow People and Blue People
We're going to start with some graphs.  Don't worry, the whole story is not going to be like this.  But once you see what's on them, I think you'll agree that what they show is extremely important.  
Here's a set of four results.  The main point is the same in all of them.  You'll learn in a minute that the different colors stand for a single factor which determines  -- in part -- how badly someone's life may turn out, depending on how many stressful life events she goes through.  Take a look.  I'll tell you what the graphs mean, and then what that factor is, below.

As you can see, if a person has very few stressful life events (defined in a moment, below), they may still have symptoms of depression, but it's not very likely.  If they have a lot of those events, then they are much more likely to have depression -- especially if they're a "blue person". 

By comparison, the "yellow people" can have a lot of stressful things happen without increasing the likelihood of getting depressed.  Look at the difference:  if you're a yellow person, even 4 stressful events only raises your likelihood of full "major depression" to about 15% (lower left-hand graph).  But if you're a blue person, those stressors raise your chances of depression to almost 50%!

What is the color factor?  It's a gene.  It's just DNA.  It has nothing to do with anything you ever had any choice about.  You were just born this way.  The gene story gets a little complicated, but if you don't understand the explanation that follows, that won't matter too much.  What I want you to see is just how much impact a gene can have on a person's experience of the world. 

Think about it:  if you're a yellow person, you could easily  look at blue people and think "hey, pull yourself together, you wimps -- I've been through the same or worse, and I'm all right!"  Then they could proceed to explain to the blue person just what they'd done to come through those stressors okay.  "Here's how you do it, see?  You just have to ...."   They could attribute their success to God, or their own determination, or the great support from their friends.  All those explanations could easily have some truth to them too.  But look at how much impact the genes alone have:  if you're a blue person from birth, your risk of depression when stressed is a lot higher.

Similarly, if you're a blue person, you could look at the yellow people and think "what's wrong with me?  They've been through the same stuff and they seem to be doing okay."  Then you could proceed to explain to yourself why you're struggling so much:  "it's because I'm just weak.  If I tried harder, I'd be better off."   "Why don't I seem to be able to try harder?)" 

You can imagine some of the variations on this:  "I shouldn't have tried to go to college, I just don't have what it takes", or "It's because I drank so much alcohol all that time", etc.  And even here, there might be some truth to those explanations.  But what if a big part of the explanation, for why your mood is so affected by stress, comes down to your genes?  Wouldn't it be ironic if meanwhile you were telling yourself it is "your fault"? 

Source: http://www.psycheducation.org/mechanism/1MoralityorGenes.htm

Of course some people will never EVER believe the results of these studies as fact, they will continue to believe that people who get stressed and depressed are just weak and worthless, but this is all a very interesting read nonetheless.

Well thanks for reading.

To tell or not to tell ...

People with medical conditions often struggle with this question, especially at work, should they tell their manager, boss, supervisor or not.

Those with visible conditions don't have a choice, but 'invisible" conditions such as Bipolar, Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue (and many more I am sure) struggle with the choice.

Medical conditions are private things.  Also, depending on the condition, there can be stigmas attached to them.  Workplace mentality may also be in important factor on whether to disclose or not.  Does your medical condition affect you ability to do your job?  How will your place of employment view any potential limitation, will disclosure risk your employment?

I feel that the details of my medical conditions are on a need to know basis, even though I have nothing to hide.  However, it took me five (5) years to tell my boss about my condition, to actually let him know I was sick, not just sometimes but all the time.  In fact I just told him.

I did not want my manager to judge me solely on my medical condition, I did not want to take advantage of anything either.  I wanted to be judged solely on my abilities and NOT my dis-abilities.  There came a point however where I just could no longer quite hide my conditions, and even though I wanted very much to function at 100%, I just could not.  Now my manager has now known me for a while and he knows my abilities.

He was surprised.  When he found out what my conditions were he was surprised. I am sure that when he has a better chance to think about it, and maybe do a bit of research things will very likely click into place for him.  Of course I did not go into deep details, the information I gave him was all high level.  I am lucky, I work for an employer who is very accommodating.  Maybe sometimes too accommodating, but that is a question for another post.

For some advice, a great article was written about this subject, but either way it is a very difficult decision to make.  Many have had a negative experience with disclosure.  I am nervous, I hope this does not come back and hit me in the ass.


Thanks for reading!

Packing tips

Hello there.

As some of you know, I am in the process of buying a house.  Of course this means I have to move, which means I have to pack.

Since I have been on my own, I have moved quite a few times.  I have also helped other people pack a few times so I have learned a thing or two about packing.  Am I a pro yet?  Nope but I thought I would share some of the things I have learned and a few tricks.

Wrapping breakables

First, the myth about newspaper to wrap fragile stuff.  I avoid newspaper like the plague.  I found out after only one move that wrapping things in newspaper makes them dirty and sometimes stains them.  I have since never used newspaper to wrap my thing, not when there are so many more options.  


Other options to wrap fragile items are:

• -          bubble wrap (either bought for the purpose, saved up or given)
• -          felt (if you are the type to do crafts)
• -          towels (very fluffy)
• -          linens (great for packing dishes)
• -          curtains (great for picture frames)
• -          pillows (for items requiring cushioning)
• -          cushions
• -          t-shirts
• -          scarves and winter wear
• -          grocery bags (which I find amazing for glasses and cups as wrapping creates air pockets for extra protection)
• -          etc…

You can use a combination of all and it has the triple bonus of reducing the number of boxes, keeping the breakables clean and having less stuff to dispose at the end.

When moving long distances, you don’t necessarily want to rent a bigger truck than absolutely necessary.  Most of my moves were done when I did not have the funds so I had to make the move as little expensive as I could.

Boxes

It’s important to try and find as many boxes in the same size as possible in order to help the stacking process.

If you can get those boxes in which they sell reams of papers to offices, those are amazing.  They have handles, a full bottom that will not pop open, they can handle heavy things (like books) and they stack very well.  They also used to sell tomatoes in some pretty good and study boxes, but I have not found any of those in years.

Make sure to clearly identify the contents of each box.  I would not do this in the beginning, and since I used similar boxes for all my things (Banana boxes) I’d have to open almost all my boxes to find what I needed.

Color coordinate.

Designate a color for each room in the new home, such as yellow for kitchen, orange for dining room, etc. Apply colored stickers on the box near the box number. In your new home. Put a matching sticker on the door to each room. The movers will know where to put everything when they arrive at the destination. It's also helpful to post a big sign on the wall in the room where you want boxes stacked, ("Boxes here please") to keep them out of furniture and traffic areas.

Other tips

Tape any stray items together into a bundle. Ski poles, brooms, mops, lamp stands, etc... can be taped into one package for easy carrying and storing.

When moving furniture, make sure you keep all parts together with the item itself. Screws, bolts and other small pieces can be put into a self-locking plastic bag (sandwich bag/freezer bag) then taped to the furniture itself. If you're moving a table, unscrew the legs, tape the legs together then tape the parts bag to the underside of the table top. You can even tape the legs to the underside of the table top just to ensure that the legs don't get scratched or dented in the move.

Last whenever using bags to pack items like linens, pillows, stuffed toys or clothes, make sure you use clear bags.  This will save loads of time as you will be able to see through to bag to the items inside.  To help the movers, identify each bag with the room where things will need to be delivered.

Moving fish

When moving fish it is best to give the fish a chance to slowly adjust to the coming change.  

• Try to save some of the water from the original tank water.  Use large bottles (10L or 25L) in which you will transfer the tank water.  Fish will be less stressed if it's their usual water or a mix of their usual water.
• Slowly reduce the water in the tank to get them used to a lesser amount of space for a little while.
• Remove the fish from the tank when moving.  I have large ice cream containers, foam ice chest or extra large jars to keep the fish during transport to keep them safe.  The containers need lids.
• If possible obtain a spare tank which will cycle for a week or so before you move the fish.  This can be done if you have a place where the fish can be stored for a period of time before and after the move (a friend, family).  
• It's best to let the new set-up cycle for at least a week (if not more) before putting the new fish in.

This move

This move, I will have the luxury of having close to a month, which means I will  able to move "storage stuff" in first, set up the "spare aquarium" for the fish transfer (I have three tanks that need careful moving). Move the closets, do some painting and cleaning in both places without the mad rush of having everything done in a few days with boxes piled everywhere.

Another dream reached.

In 1980, when I was 7, a teacher asked us, as a school assignment to try and visualize the year 2000.

The second millennium was still 20 years away and seemed like such a distant thing to us all.  For most of us, we had thoughts of flying cars (not yet), a colony on the moon and maybe a few other planets (not yet), life à la "Jetsons"

mixed with all the gadgets from "Get Smart"

and bit of "Star Trek" thrown in for good measure.

Not only did the teacher ask us to visualize what the world would look like in the year 2000, she also wanted us to list the things we would have accomplished by the year 2000.  Some people came up with extraordinary and amazing things, others has simpler dreams.

When I was 7, I figured that by the year 2000, I'd be married with 4 kids and own a nice house and be a career woman, like maybe a teacher or a cop.

I thought that I would have already won at the Olympics in Figure Skating.  I truly had a passion for figure skating.

Little did I know that that list of accomplishments would become life goals for me.  For the longest time I didn't even have a conscious thought that I wanted to have accomplished these things by the year 2000, until it hit me in 1999 .

In 1999, I was a single mother of two beautiful children, a broke former security guard with no chance of becoming the cop I had studied to be.

• I did not have a husband  - came close but sanity did win out in the nick of time, it was my desperation talking.
• I had two beautiful children, not the four I had wanted -  kinda happy I only got two, that the cancer prevented me from accomplishing that one. Single mom with 4 kids, a little too much for me as I am now.
• I did not have a career that I could be proud of, I wasn't even working!
• I did not have a house that I owned, actually, I was on the verge of being homeless as I could not afford rent on most places  - Gosh that was scary!!!
• I had not won my gold medal in the Olympics

In 1999 I had recently been diagnosed as bipolar, Protected services wanted to take my kids away and I was deeply, deeply depressed from being so far away from my goals, my dreams.  This depression from not having reached my goals, my dreams on time stayed with me since.  I am still depressed because of some of those failures and a therapist told me to lower my goals, lower my standards so I could be happy.  Forget about trying to reach some of those goals that were still possible (like owning a house). I can see her logic, and I am sure it works for some, but to me, that was not a solution.  Having easily attainable goals just did not give me the motivation to surpass myself.  That was not an option.  I did however decide to reevaluate the list and try to make the best of it.

Well, I will never get the Olympic Gold, nor will I have 4 children.  What I have done to compensate for the two "missing children" is to sponsor two children from underdeveloped areas, hopefully giving them a better life.  This way I have my four kids kinda...

I won't suddenly become a cop but tried to make the best of the education I did get.  At least I got the education, I am proud that I did not give up on that.  Sure I got job after job that paid the bills, that killed me inside every day, that were not suited to my personality but did very well, thanks to the education I had in pursuing my goals to have a career.  I did not reach my dream but I did make a difference.

I did not get a husband, in fact I have pretty much given up on male (or any) companionship.  I do not need a husband, I don't even need a boyfriend.  Since I currently don't have a libido and have not had one for a few years, a man in my life would be a difficulty I do not need.  Sure they come in handy when they pay half of the bills and help out with the repairs, but quite honestly, those were not the kind of men I was attracting anyways.  Better off without.  Maybe in the distant future things may change, who knows?

BUT, after years of sacrifices, of not letting various events distract me from my goal, I have FINALLY accomplished the dream of house ownership!!!!  Not declaring bankruptcy when I got framed for the taxes and tightening my belt to pay it off paid off.  Not declaring bankruptcy when my best friend left me a a while whack of debts paid off, not choosing the easy way now, but taking the hard road has paid off.

I was able to buy a new car and now a HOUSE!

It's not my dream house, (and since I don't have the Jetson's maid robot to do the cleaning, that's fine)  but it's MY HOUSE, mine, all mine (and the banks...)

Note the front yard, good for gardening and Halloween decorations.  PLUS A TREE, for hanging ghosts and ghouls!

The little kitchen but it has a double sink  OH the luxury!  I may change the faucets to get one with a hose spray.  Plenty of  cupboards

The back yard is TILED and note the CENTRAL AIR!  Kijiji, get ready to sell a few of my things, like AIR CONDITIONERS!

Yeah it needs a little work, but there is a LINEN closet!  an actual linen closet to put the towels and linens, such a little thing but so useful.  4+1 bedrooms, enough for each of us to have a room AND have an office AND a guest room.

See not all my posts are bad!  Thanks for reading...

Taking a break

Last Thursday, I went to see a doctor about the pain in my wrist and the numbness in my hand, turns out it's the Ulnar nerve that is compressed.  My non existent family doctor will need to look into it, in the meantime I am supposed to try and keep my elbow from being bent too long....

When I go to work, within the first 30 minutes of being there I was crying and desperately wanting NEEDING to go home.   I was at work from 10:30 to 4:00 and off and on all day I was either on the verge of tears or actually crying.

I need to say that I kinda ran out of the medication which was helping me sleep and keeping my pain level down.  So I have been trying to deal.  Also my GERD is at an all time high, massive burning, another thing that my family doctor needs to look into.

So I am sensitive.  I hate myself for it, but it seems to be beyond what I can control at this point.  I am exhausted, IBS acting up.  Trying to deal with my totally non compliant son.

Life is too much and work, with the toxic situation I have to deal with there is making my anxiety flare so bad I just can't handle it anymore.

So Friday morning I did not go to work.  Took a sick day.  I do not consider this "faking".  Mentally I am not in a place  where I am functional, where I can cope with toxic.  Monday, Tuesday, did not go to work either.  Told them I will not be going in for the rest of the week.

I only have two days of sick, the rest will need to be vacation.  But at the risk of being called childish, weak, accused of not thinking things through, I MUST TAKE A BREAK.  

I am seeing the psychiatrist on the 18th, seeing two of them actually, surely one of them will be able to attest that my mind was too fragile to deal with nasty people.  OK at least attest that I was not in condition to do my job.

In the meantime I have been keeping myself busy, I have been shopping for a house, trying to fill that void, that need.  Also I have been spending quite a bit of time in my basement, doing laundry and sorting.  There is still a lot to do and I have not been able to keep at it non stop BUT I have managed to make a dent in the stuff I have.  I filled 6 large garbage bags of donate stuff and filled 2 garbage bags of trash from the basement (stuff not good enough to donate)  I also go rid of two older dressers.  I plan on getting rid of at least that much if not more in the next few days (I might move out of the basement and touch other rooms)

I have also done a lot of laundry.  I plan on washing all of the massively soiled items from my son's room.  (About 10 loads of laundry, highly soiled, requiring at times two to three runs through the washer with Oxyclean)  My son tends to not clean himself or his surrounding.  He also has enuresis, and does not take the soiled stuff out.  We have to fight our way into his room, risk injury with all the trash and electronic components to get to his soiled laundry.  Hopefully I will have the time and energy to go take some trash out of his room too.

This is what I call taking a break because I have not been dealing with people much.  I have been cleansing my home, making it healthier.

I can't do this for long, the need to pay bills will win out, even though the jobs that pay the bills are killing me.  At least I have the last few days....


Thanks for reading.

Hoarding

Has anyone ever seen the show Hoarders?

Very scary isn't it?

Most people who watch that show just can't believe and can't understand how something like that can happen.  It's beyond anything they can comprehend, how people can let it get that far.

Researchers now believe these people have always been hoarders, and that compulsive hoarding is an anxiety disorder that gets worse with time. Frequently, the problem first emerges in childhood or adolescence.

My daughter watches it and sees it as a good sign.  Our home is not that bad.

I watch that show and I am afraid.  I am afraid cause I understand too much, I can see too easily how something like that can happen.

When I walk through my house I see us heading in that direction.  In the two years that we have had our house to ourselves, it is unbelievable the amount of stuff we have accumulated.

I am accumulating but so are my children.  Between the three of us, we have filled this house to overflowing. and even though I know I have to do something about it before it's too late, it's already a mountain.

I know I have heard the advice, just do a little at a time, attack only one room at a time.  It's good and sound advice.  I know I also need help.  Physically there is only so much I can do without pushing things too far and winding up on my back for weeks.  I need the help but honestly I am ashamed of how I let things happen.

So I watch that show and I see myself.  I see the anxiety some of them go through to clean up their act and their house, I see how hard it is, feel it every time I go through my things and try to make myself let stuff go.

I have thought of taking pictures of all those items, saving the pictures on a hard drive and get rid of the stuff.  Burning all the movies unto a hard drive.  All of these are excellent ideas, but they need energy and time, both things that I have little of, I also need a help, but these are not things that people are willing to help me with.  Some people would be willing to help me, for the right price.  Another thing I don;t have enough of.  I have some energy, some time and some money just not enough of each.

Speaking as a hoarder and as an observer of hoarding I can definitely give some explanations of hoarding.  Not a justification for hoarding by any means, just a look into the life of a hoarder.

First, I strongly think there is a genetic component.  I think some people are more prone to becoming hoarders from birth than others.  I have relatives who are prone to hoarding and my children are also prone to it.

Second, speaking for myself and unfortunately for my children as well, there is a component of insecurity attached to hoarding.  We keep stuff "in case of" needing it someday.  Intellectually we know that chances are when we DO need it we will never find it and wind up buying it again, might as well liberate ourselves from it and stop the cluttering, but we just "can't".

Also anxiety and depression have a lot to do with hoarding.  It's easier to let go of stuff and to find the energy to "cleanse and sort" when one is feeling good.  When one is anxious and depressed, one has less energy, less motivation, less overall strength to get rid of stuff and it does get out of hand.

Well thanks for reading

If you like this, you might also like
http://livingonapendulum.blogspot.com/2011/09/clean-house.html  http://livingonapendulum.blogspot.com/2011/09/whine.html http://livingonapendulum.blogspot.com/2011/09/purging.html