I Hate:

I hate being ill.

I hate being disabled.  Yeah that's right disabled.  Whether any of us wants to admit it or not, (including me) I am disabled.

By disabled it means I have all kinds of limitations.

I hate having limitations.  I hate having to ask for help.  I hate not being to do the things I want to do my myself.  I hate having had to give up a whole bunch of things.

I hate having pain every day. I hate my legs being numb half of the time. I hate wanting to cry almost all the time. I hate always being tired.

I hate having gone fat because one of the only joys I have left is food.

I hate that my home is dirty because I can't find the energy to get all my chores done.

I hate that I am out of breath all the time.

I hate that my heart rate goes up to a bazillion beats per minute for just climbing one flight of stairs when 5 years ago I could climb 6 flights and not feel so horrible.

I hate that our medical system makes it almost impossible to get proper help.

I hate that those around me have such a hard time understanding how hard all of this is for me.

I hate that I can't learn like I used to, that the fog keeps getting in the way.

I hate that I can't draw anymore.  Between the pain in my hands and the lack or coordination, the results are horrendous.

I hate that people see me and only see a fat lazy person, and not the person wanting to do more.

I hate that I am a burden on those around me.

I also hate that my son has a disability that requires two full time healthy parents and I am alone.

I hate that between my son and I we put such a heavy burden on my daughter.

I hate that my limitations ban me from having a dog.

I hate that it's so hard to find affordable clothes that fit me decently and look nice.

I hate that I can't fit in my bathtub, That I can't take a nice relaxing warm bath.

I hate that every time I look into the mirror I am disgusted with what I see.

I hate that I can't be in a relationship because of the way I feel about myself.

I hate having to work full time when I am needed at home.


Thanks for reading!

Not the most positive of posts, but like I said, sometimes stuff just needs to come out!