A few months ago, I met a wonderful lady who called herself Indigo, a beautiful name that suited her very well. However, the name Indigo was not the name her parents originally gave her. I don't remember what it was but I agreed that she had outgrown that name, if ever it had suited her.
When I met her, she had already gone through a few names. She was trying out names to see if they felt good. If they felt right. After all, why change your name to something that doesn't work any better?
I have also known another interesting lady who changed her name. She did a clean break and it took me a few weeks to make the adjustment. What happened with her was that she had switched to using her middle name in her 20's or so and decided to revert back to her original given name as she felt it reflected her mature persona better. Both names were beautiful and original names. Also since both names were hers legally she had very little to do to make the switch.
The reason these two women interested me so much is that for a very long time I had been thinking of changing my name. For the longest time I didn't dare because mom mom LOVES the names she gave me. She even picked out my name 6 years before I was born. My name is not a bad name. I have seen other people wearing it and it suits them. It can even be considered a pretty name. But I never felt right. I have tried variations of my given name. None of them felt right. When people say my name I get a shiver of wrongness. So I have tried my middle name. I have tried variations of my middle name. Again none of them feel "right".
It looks like I will need to do what Indigo did. Look at names I like and start trying them out. But how does one manage to convince the people around them to start dong that? How to I manage to convince my MOM? Do I make an exemption for her? Somehow that feels like someone going through a sex change and letting one person who just can't adapt to still treat them like their old gender. That's wrong. Chaz Bono is no longer Charity, it is Chaz, he is a wonderful person as he is now.
When my son was born, I had selected a few different names while I was pregnant. The moment I saw him, no matter how much I loved these names, they went out the window. None of the "fit" him. None of them were right. I had a list of 4-5 names and they were all wrong for him, Took me close to a month to figure out what I was going to call him. I read baby name book after baby name book, trying the ones I liked out on him. I needed to find my child a name... So much simpler with my daughter, one of the names I chose fit the baby her...
The name I finally gave him I rebelled against. It was the only one that seemed to fit. Now I need to go through the same process, but I also have to change habits that have been around for a long time. I have to make people understand that this is about me, not about them.
That might be tough. My mom and my aunts originally rejected the name I had chosen for my daughter. They all like it now, it grew on them, but they felt they had to impose my daughter's name (different) on me. How will it be when I say I want to change what they have been calling me for close to 40 years?
I'd like my name to have a meaning that represents me, but what part of me do I make it reflect? I would also like if it reflected a bit of my hidden ancestry, maybe Celtic?
I think this will take a while...
Thanks for reading!
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