Then and now, a progression into disability.

Originally written in 2009

When I was a young child, I was normal.  My parents enrolled me in various activities and sports.  In actuality they enrolled me in various sports through the years, such as swimming, figure skating, gymnastics, ringette and ballet jazz.

I was always the top of my class and had quite a varied language.  Speaking in two official languages I had such a master of words that I would often be called a walking encyclopedia.

I had a lot of energy; I would be able to function at top level with few hours of sleep.  A typical day in winter, I would wake up at 5 AM to get ready and go to my skating lessons which would run from 6 AM to 8 AM.  I would then go to school.  At lunch time I would walk home for lunch, then walk back to school, play in the yard for a bit before class.

After class, I would head back to the arena for some more skating; I would help some younger ones learn how to skate.  Afterwards, I had my ringette for an hour then would go home to have supper, do my homework and go out to walk around town with my friends.

In summer replace skating with swimming and dancing lessons and hanging out at the beach.  I was also an avid reader, walking or biking to the library to borrow a book every few days.  Every once in a while I would bike to the next town over to visit friends or watch a movie in summer. (This was about a 30 minute drive)

In high school, they tested my IQ and found out it was above average. Again I was top of my class though my activities had changed, I was still quite active.

When I moved out while I was in college, I was able to hold two jobs while going to school.  One job was part time, the other full time.  I would get up early in the morning to go for a two hour swim at school, do my classes then go to work.  I would often find the time and energy to go out partying with my friends after work.

I had my daughter while in college.  After college I was a single working mother, I had two night shift jobs (8 hours during the week and 12 during weekends) I was able to go to work at night, pick up my daughter in the morning, take care of my child, do household chores and errands, take a nap with her in the afternoon then bring her back to the babysitter for bedtime and head off to work.  Even though I had a hectic schedule, I still had time to spend with friends, bake, clean, shop.

I was an active person but my body did have its strengths and weaknesses even back then.  I was strong and enduring, I could go for hours and lift heavy things but I was slow and uncoordinated.  I could not hit a moving target if my life depended on it.  In a long distance race, I would be last at the start line but end up first as the others could not last the distance.  I could lift heavy objects for long periods of time and climb stairs.  I had a friend who lived on the 17^th floor when I was in college.  I would never take the elevators when visiting him, always took the stairs up and down.  When moving, I could carry as any man.  I had no need for coffee.

That was me then…

Things started to change after my son was born. I was 25. All of a sudden I was exhausted.  My legs were weak; my back was hurting more than ever.  I could no longer work night shift.  I bought a cane at a certain point to help me walk and keep my balance.  I had no energy.  My emotions, which to tell the truth, had always been a little iffy went out of control!

That was the beginning.

Now I cannot walk for more than 15-20 minutes, cannot stand for more than 10 (walking helps to move my muscles and joints around so I can last longer).  I am always tired, drinking coffee like there is no tomorrow.  I always forget my words and my thoughts.  My body is always hurting somewhere.  Where I used to be able to climb 17 flights of stairs, I now almost collapse after 2.  The slightest effort depletes me.

I am proud.  I push my limits every day.  I do the stairs, I do the shoveling, I walk to the grocery store.  My motto is:  “Use it or lose it”.

Some say I should go on disability.  I can’t, my children deserve more but when I get up in the morning, feeling exhausted, hurting in every part of my body, unable to form a clear thought, it’s hard.  Very hard, and this is a good day.  Sometimes it gets worst.

I am 35, a single mom and work full time.

Thanks for reading!


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