Murphy's Law

Have you ever noticed that some people are naturally luckier than others?

I believe in destiny and karma and all those things because how else you can explain how two people in the same circumstance making the same decisions can produce such drastically different results?

For a long time I felt like changing my surname to Murphy.  No it wasn't to honour my Irish ancestors, even though I do have them, it was for that Murphy, the one who is "if something can go bad, it will".

If ever there was a sentence that en-globed my life it would have been that one.  Mind you I have had some luck.  My mom always said my bad luck and misfortunes had a silver lining.  I have capitalized on those silver linings to not wind up starving in the street.

Many who now me know that I have two children.  They know that my kids' fathers are not part of my life.  What they don't know is that I was pregnant many times, I lost a few babies.  What they also don't know that that the men I was seeing all dumped me at the knowledge that I was pregnant.  OK to be fair, only four found out.  But those four did dump me.  There were these two guys who were willing to be there for me,they were not the fathers but were willing to take on the role but when I was young, I had this thing where I didn't want to settle, I didn't understand the value of these men so I refused.  How many women get dumped every time?  Makes one feel pretty darn worthless...

The first pregnancy, I was promised to the guy, he was my first, I had been with him for five years, we had a condom but it didn't work.

The second, I was on the pill.  I got tonsillitis and was taking an antibiotic.  I didn't realize it weakened the effect of the pill. That was my daughter.

The third was with the pill and a condom.

The fourth was with an IUD and a condom.  Also since I had had some miscarriages after fighting uterine cancer. I was told that even if I got pregnant again, my uterus was too scarred to carry a child to term, I may never be able to have another child.  That was my son...well he beat the odds.

Yeah I got cancer when I was 20-21.  I did laser and acid therapy for a little over a year.  I had a baby to take care of and no one took me seriously. I fought the cancer alone with my daughter.  Years later I told my mom about my fight for cancer, her reaction was "wow, that was real?"  Yes it was real, l thank you for your support.  I did not need chemotherapy, the laser and the acid took care of it.  It felt like I had sunburn after sunburn in my privates, for a year...  my skin would peal....

Once I was cancer free, I got scarlet fever.  I asked people to help me take care of my daughter, maybe even possibly take care of me, but I was refused.  I took care of my daughter and myself.  We survived, even though during one of the fevers, half of my body went numb and I had to drag myself on the floor.

I moved to a co-op housing.  Wow that was trouble.  Maybe I'll write about that later.  While there, I consulted about depression.  I wanted to kill myself.  That was the beginning of my experience with anti-depressants.  Every time I went on anti-depressants I would go manic.  But since I would feel MUCH better, I'd stop taking them and spiral back down into deep dark depression.  That years later would cause a family doctor to label me as bipolar.  However, it's a chemical sensitivity, not bipolar.  It would take me years and years to find out what was really happening.

I saw therapists who told me it was a weakness that caused me to be depressed.  They told me that bad things happened to me because I made bad decisions.  It didn't matter that many of the decisions I made were the exact same as those of others.  It's didn't matter that I put a lot more thought into my decisions, weighing the pros and cons before deciding, it didn't matter that the bad things that happened to me were unpredictable, it was my fault and I had to learn to take responsibility.

I went to college to become a cop, but could not become a cop once it was all said and done because they discovered arthritis in my back AFTER I had finished my studies.  Can't hire a cop with a bad back!
Note: While I was in college I became pregnant with my daughter, had my daughter, fought cancer and did not give up on my education.  Not being able to pursue my dream just when I was almost there was my reward.


So I worked as a security guard, got locked out for a year. (I worked on the side since  had a child and no support)

I made some friends, we decided to move in together to pay the bills.  One of them did betrayed my trust with my child in the most horrible way.  I call the cops, they call CAS.  Next thing I know I am being accused of enabling the assault, of knowing this would happen or making it up and having my daughter lie, they want to take away my daughter (and son at that point)  My housemates were security guards for the government.  They had security clearances.  These were supposed to be the good guys.  This was supposed to be a good decision.

I fought with CAS to clear my name for years.  They did take my daughter away for a year but could never prove I did anything, they had to send her back.  This is when they used my so called bipolarity to say I was a monster and did not remember.

I had this babysitter, she charged me close to full price and gave me receipts.  I declared her on my taxes.  One year I got audited, they asked for a copy of all my receipts.  I send them the receipts I had.  No problem.  They say all is good and close the file.

Years later they re-audit me.  they decide to compare my return against that of my babysitter.  Loe and behold, she had not declared her childcare income.  So when faced with my receipts she lied.  She was even able to prove that my receipts were fraudulent ( I am guessing she had someone else sign them?)  I get charged with fraud and have to pay up $16,000 to the government.  I am making $45000/year and supporting two kids... no child support.  Actually I was also helping an unemployed friend out so supporting her and her child too.

Some people say I got bitter, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  But this is why I believe in Karma and destiny, why I also believe in Murphy' s Law.


What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

Feel free to comment (I fixed the comment options)