Not a Good Day

I am sitting here thinking of everything I need to do.

• I have to finish cleaning the kitchen - it's absolutely horrible, there are still a lot of dishes to do, the floor is a mess - it's bad I tell you
• I have to vaccuum the house - there are cat hair balls everywhere.
• Clean and pick up the living room.  A lot of stuff is in this room that does not belong, a lot of it belonging to my son but there is stuff from all of us - it's pretty bad
• Get all the cat litters cleaned up and fresh litter put in it.  I have to admit I have not done them in a bit and of course the kids are not doing them either.  Poor cats stuck with filthy litter boxes.  I am horrible.
• Go out and do grocery shopping.  The cupboards and freezer are pretty bare.  I am way overdue.
• Do laundry, both mine and my son's are needed.  My son is 16 but does not beleive in taking care of himself.  His laundry requires deep cleening at this point - again it's pretty bad

Yet I sit here after having only done some dishes and I just feel like crying.  I hurt, I am tired.  I just want to go lie down in bed and cry.  I did some therapy last year that implied that if I can make myself get up and do my chores the sense of accomplishement will help chase away the depression.  It only makes me exhausted and more depressed because I can't seem to get it all done.

I go back to work tomorrow.  I get two days off to get my sh*t done.  I also need these two days to visit people and rest to prepare for the week ahead.

During the week, trying to get my son to shower and go to work in the morning is exhausting.  Then I face the commute to work, takes me close to an hour I am already tired by the time I get to work.  I do my 8 hour day, trying not to let mi irritation overwhelme me the have to face the commute home.  Traffic at night going home is absolutely HORRIBLE! It often takes me over 75 minutes to get home.  By the time I get home I am so exhausted that running errands, preparring supper and doing housework is just beyond me.  The mess adds up very quickly, so that by the weekend, it seems insurmountable.

I envy those women who can not only get all this done but insert some time to exercise.  I want to be them so bad!