Remember that show Fear Factor?
Some days, like today actually, I would rather be sitting at that table, sharing that meal rather than go to work.
Trust me that meal grosses me out, I am nauseous just looking at this video, yet I get just as nauseous with the idea of going to work.
Isn't that awful? Isn't that just horrible? I think so. I do. I very much do.
What makes work so difficult is all the negative people I have to deal with, either over the phone or in my work environment.
I don't do strong emotions well. I have an extreme aversion to strong emotions in others
Oppositional and confrontational situations make me sick. Physically sick. I can't stand up for myself, I just feel like throwing up. The "fight or flight" reaction gets enabled, and I don't fight, I flight, but I can't flight.
It wasn't always like this. Sure I used to get uncomfortable around strong emotions but not like this.
I definitely used to be a fighter, not the scardy cat in the corner afraid of my own shadow. I could not only stand up for myself, but I could stand up for others and inspire them to stand up too.
What happened? WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED????
You have to give it to me, to go to work, day after day, to face these types of situations day in day out, to get this stuff at home too.
That's takes a lot of courage. I have to give myself that... Some would not...
I also have always been ill in crowed situations, but now crowd is very few people, again I face that every day.
Those therapies that make people face their aversions to cure them... NOT WORKING. It just seems to get worst as time goes by.
I can't keep going like this, a solution must be found. I figure the GERD, the constant heartburns, reflux, probably related to this...
What do I do, what do I do, I just don;t know anymore...
Well thanks for reading!
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