I used a large brush to paint a picture, but I would like to delve a little deeper. Of course I also touched a bit of what it feels like every day as well.
First I should give you all an idea of what my illnesses are.
Fibromyalgia (FM) is a chronic condition characterized by widespread pain in your muscles, ligaments and tendons, as well as fatigue and multiple tender points.
Yeah but what does that mean?
For an exhaustive list of symptoms, check here.
For me, what that means is that all my joints tend to hurt, especially if it's humid outside.
I have trouble walking because my ankles and knees feel like they are going to come undone. My neck, shoulders, elbows, wrists, and fingers hurt.
I also feel pain in my lower back and my hips.
What it also means it that my muscles and ligaments hurt. It feels like I have overstretched most of my muscles and overdid weight training. You know that pain that you feel in your muscles the day after a bout of strenuous activities? Yeah kinda like that but every day.
Mentally, I feel tired, but also I get confused. I am constantly forgetting my words or train of thought. Trying to learn has become very difficult as I have trouble focusing on what people are saying or what I am reading. This fog or confusion is also a symptom of CFS and Bipolar.
Because of the FM, I also have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and GERD (Gastroesopagal Disease).
Can you imagine an emergency room doctor trying to narrow down a particular problem?
Chronic Fatique Syndrome (CFS) refers to severe, continued tiredness that is not relieved by rest and is not directly caused by other medical conditions.
Symptoms of CFS are similar to those of the flu and other common viral infections, and include muscle aches, headache, and extreme fatigue. However, symptoms of CFS last for 6 months or more.
For more information click here.
So this is not just a little tired, we are talking about a lot tired. Bone tired. Can barely function tired.
There was some debate for a while on if I was suffering from FM or CFS as many of the symptoms are the same or similar. But the specific symptoms of both are present enough to safely say that I fall into both illnesses.
Bipolar Disorder is a condition in which people go back and forth between periods of a very good or irritable mood and depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very quick.
Types of bipolar disorder:
- People with bipolar disorder type I have had at least one manic episode and periods of major depression. In the past, bipolar disorder type I was called manic depression.
- People with bipolar disorder type II have never had full mania. Instead they experience periods of high energy levels and impulsiveness that are not as extreme as mania (called hypomania). These periods alternate with episodes of depression.
- A mild form of bipolar disorder called cyclothymia involves less severe mood swings. People with this form alternate between hypomania and mild depression.
Since I get severe depressions and I can get very very irritated, I guess I fall in type II. I will let the Psychiatrist figure that one out. A family doctor I saw previously said I was Type I, rapid cycling. I think I will ask the psychiatrist the next time I see her if one can change "type".
Essentially, the thing that affects me the most in bipolar is the depression.
The depressed phase of both types of bipolar disorder includes the following symptoms:
- Daily low mood or sadness
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
- Overeating and weight gain
- Fatigue or lack of energy
- Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty
- Loss of pleasure in activities once enjoyed
- Loss of self-esteem
- Thoughts of death and suicide
- Trouble getting to sleep or sleeping too much
- Pulling away from friends or activities that were once enjoyed
Actually I don't really have trouble getting to sleep, I have trouble sleeping well. The pain in my back and my limbs tend to wake me up at night. For this reason, I tend to wake up tired and stay tired. Being tired and in pain all the time makes me irritable. Depending on what, my patience level can be extremely low, which is why I really think that working with the public just might be a very bad idea.
I know some medications just might help with all my symptoms, but while they are playing with the dosages, I seriously think it's a bad idea to let me work at all. Some of the medications make me seriously high until I adjust. When I am high, I have a slight problem with attention to detail. Hummm, when I am NOT high I have problems with attention to detail, being high just makes and already existing problem worst.
I'd also like to have medication that DOES NOT make me gain any more weight. Actually if it could help me lose weight, that would be ideal. I think reducing the pain and allowing me to really rest when I sleep might help this whole situation.
Deep down, I don't want to stop working. I have many reasons why I want to continue working. Finances is the main one, but there are also other little reasons. I'd like to be able to take a little break to properly find the right treatment and balance and give me a chance to adjust. I feel that if I keep going the way I am, I will just keep getting worst until I have no choice but to stop working indefinitely. It would be a preventative temporary withdrawal to make things better, to last longer.
This makes sense to me but just seems so difficult to obtain from the medical community. I tried getting my doctor to understand but she would have none of it, her mind was made up, to her FM/CFS = hypochondriac, and sick leave was not an option. Now I am trying to find another family doctor, which is not as easy as it sounds.
Wish me luck and thanks for reading!
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