Passions

Originally posted on Facebook: August 9, 2011



The other day my daughter told me that she came to the realization that she did not have a passion.  Something that

 helps her look forward to every day.  Some people write, sing, sew, garden, paint, draw etc...  Something that they love and can lose themselves into, forgetting worries, relaxing and finding their centre, in essence rejuvenate themselves.  Didn't matter whether or not they are any good at it.  It's done for the joy of it, not for what others think.

It made me think.  I knew she used to have many passions, drawing and singing. However it seems she lost those passions because she did not get adequate feedback.  So maybe it was not a passion after all?

Then I started thinking about my passions.  I have had many passions, many at the same time.  Skating was a love of mine.  When I would put on my skates and hit the ice, the world would drift away.  Later, drawing and writing became an escape.  I have written many poems to chase away tears, boredom or to underline joy!  Were they good poems.  Well who cares?

  Arts and craft, creating, decorating was also an amazing escape.  Everything I did, everywhere I went, I saw things as a project and saw possibilities of beauty. Remember, beauty is nin the eye of the beholder.  I may have been alone in my visions.

Last dancing was something that could make me smile and my saddest moments.

What are my passions now?  NOTHING.  Nothing I do brings me joy.  Nothing in my life makes me happy to get up in the morning.  I have nothing that I look forward to.  Many things like skating dancing or taking a simple walk have become so painful and exhausting, they are torture to even think about.  Decorating and painting have become a dreadful chore.

I try to recapture those things, but I don't even feel motivated anymore.  Life has become one being obligation after another, one problem after the next.  For every moment of peace there is tenfold pain and sorrow.

I see and admire people like my friend Paul, who have adversity and pain thrust upon them and who seem to only grow stronger and more inspiring, who have that strength to fight and overcome.  Those who become their own self motivators and cheerleaders. 

Gosh I wish I had half of that wonderful love for life that keeps them going no matter what!  I wish my personality was a third as engaging and charismatic.  Instead I am socially inept and boring.  Untalented and weak.