Ramblings...

Today I am not feeling all that great.

Actually I have not been feeling all that great all weekend.  I am so tired, so bone weary.

As usual my upper back hurts, and my legs feel so weak, I have trouble walking.  It feels like I have been walking for miles, for days, but of course I haven't.

More worrisome is the fact that I feel like erasing myself again.  I feel like destroying this blog, erasing all my comments on Facebook and leaving a blank profile.

I feel like destroying every thing that is me.

I have no energy.  Reading is difficult, I keep reading the same lines over and over again, not getting into the story.  The lines and the words blur as my vision is tired.

I have all kinds of chores that needs doing, most importantly the cat litters which REEK!  But I find myself having no energy, no motivation to do any of it.

I have heartburn not affected by any of the medications.  I keep yawning.  Napping is not helping, I napped yesterday and I was still tired.

I don't even have the motivation or energy to try and get my son to help out with any of the necessary chores.

I have a full difficult week awaiting me at work.  I have to give some difficult feedback and make some changes that will most likely make some people very angry and unhappy.  Stuff that should have been done a long time ago but wasn't done.

There is also supposed to be a fire drill this week.  Should I be "lazy" and stay on the floor or try to climb down the stairs?

If I go down the stairs I will be much too exhausted to finish my day.  I told the managers about my ailment, but they don't get it, don't understand.

I already have such a bad rep.

I don't want to go to work.  I just want to rest until I am OK, I want to have a clean orderly house and be rested.

Why can't I get the rest I need????

I am so tired all the time, I can't take it anymore, I can't take being this tired and having to live life the same way everybody else does.

Actually a harder life.

I don't have affection, that is not possible for me.  How could I when I find myself so worthless and disgusting?  I can't let anyone in because I am so unbelievably gross, but I, being human and all, probably do need that human connection, that affection, a hug sometimes.  Too bad I don't feel comfortable with it, due to my current grossness.

Crap I am weepy now.

The psychiatrist gave me some pills that are supposed to help with depression.  Actually, research shows that there i no proof that this pill can help with moods, but it is supposed to help with pain.  I figure less pain should help with the depression.  Well so far the pain is worst on these pills, and the depression too.

I checked up on the psychiatrist.  Here is the rating I found:

Dr. Morton's inability to communicate in English severely limits her as a Doctor. She has no interest in the well-being of her patients. When I saw her, her priority was to try and ship my off to another doctor rather than try and help me. Her negligence as a psychiatrist, and her complete inability to properly diagnose or treat my problems compounded my mental health issues to a worse state than when I first met her. I met Dr. Morton recovering from a bout of mania, I left her care clinically psychotic. It took me months to recover. Fortunately, I am under the care of a more capable psychiatrist now, and have been symptom free since. It makes me sad to think that people who are sick are still sent to Dr. Morton today. People with mental health probelsm need capable, empathetic doctor's to treat them. Dr. Morton possesses none of these qualities.

This Dr. she is the worst that can be. She is useless. She doesn't know what to do. You have to know what your problems are other wise you are not treated properly. Since she doesn't know what to do to be able to help you. She is very prompt to give you medication need it or not. 

# Ratings: 3 Avg Punctuality: 2.0 Avg Helpfulness: 1.0 Avg Knowledge: 1.0 Overall Quality*: 1.0

Range: 1-5 (5 is best)
* Helpfulness & Knowledge






Thanks for reading.